I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't put those talents on a resume
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
