I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
