4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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