I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
