he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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