you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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