'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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