I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
