I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
