I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
