We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
