Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
false alarm. still invincible.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
