I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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