my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
