My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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