ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
