Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
