The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
