guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
