Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
