Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
