You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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