man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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