All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
