Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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