booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
