he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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