So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
