Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
