Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
