he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
