Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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