Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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