3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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