if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
