I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
