im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
