he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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