so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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