If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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