filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
