..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
