Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
