Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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