you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
