I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
