he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
