i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
