Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
