this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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