she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
