And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
