i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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